I am fully aware…

    That I am basically a mental person. Don’t get me wrong- I’m not like bipolar or schizophrenic or anything, just your garden variety crazy. Nonetheless, I know a little something about what is proper and what is not and can I just say that impropriety is made all the worse when it occurs non stop. I like things tidy. I know this may come as a shock to some but even when my entire bedroom looks like a disaster, I have it organized. Its controlled chaos, if you will. So to have things turned completely uncontrolled is really hard for me. Maybe its a flaw of mine that I like things to have some semblance to control but I like this particular flaw. I don’t want to control other people’s decisions or homes but I like the freedom to pick up a mess, or to be able to explain a problem to someone and have them understand, I like being able to say, “Stop. This is unacceptable. Your behavior is getting out of control,” I like order even if it appears chaotic on the outside. I like knowing that things will be left where I left them. I know this sounds selfish and right now, maybe I need a little selfishness. After all, I haven’t slept even a full 6 hours in over a week because I was doing something for someone else. I’m getting sick from all this.

I absolutely HATE yelling. I don’t mean that I can’t handle loud noises- we all know how loud I can get, but I hate it when a person gets angry and just starts yelling. Its one thing if its a quick phrase or explanation. Its quite another if the yelling is constant. I spend a lot of time trying to avoid such situations but when they smack you in the face its pretty hard to ignore. I just want to kick back with some Miles Davis or Sarah Vaughn and just read my book but I really feel that this is just a pipe dream.

Oh blessed peace and quiet! Why hast thou left me stranded here?!


~ by Rose on 24 December 2007.

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